Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Is 40:28-31
I am the wife-mother in our Baird nest of three. As the wife-eagle I love and care for Bob, who suffers from a debilitating illness called Meige Syndrome. As a mother-eagle, I love and watch over our daughter Elizabeth, whose mind broke over the sorrow of her dad’s condition. Her diagnoses: a psychotic-break causing visual and aural hallucinations. Crushed. That was me. Like an old car in a junkyard metal crushing device in a bad movie. A dark mist of misery hung thickly around my soul. I felt abandoned by joy. I knew God had not skipped out on me, but emotional grieving for our loss was not easily overcome. It lasted almost two years before I began to see clearly again. Now, joy washes in, most often in soft, cleansing waves.
In my present joy, my God-given desire is to share his beautiful qualities that rescued and succored me. In one profoundly life-altering lesson, I learned I might have endured our close-clinging tragedies in another way. My new morsel of wisdom: I should have sought a spirit of bearing burdens together, even when physical healing did not come for Bob, nor emotional for Elizabeth (and still hasn’t).
Why did I see only myself as the eagle God was blessing in the way described in this scripture? That blessing where you really do run and don’t get weary, emotionally or spiritually. Of course, I prayed for healing for Bob and Elizabeth, but the way I prayed for them put them one spiritual space and me in another. In my heavy responsibility, rather than acknowledging God as omnipotent, I strove hard to be our family’s everything. I had put myself in position of God. This was not a conscious choice, but certainly a bad place to be.
Hindsight is a great device. While the past is not a permanent place to dwell, the better perspective gained by recounting God’s gifts of power-not-to-faint and strength-not-to-fall is worth the looksee. For the last three years, since coming home from DR Congo for the last time, I have turned to the book of Isaiah. Bob’s syndrome has taken over his body, there will be no going back to Africa for Bob. I have lost the strong, independent man I married. Elizabeth depends on an anti-psychotic med, but her personality has changed and she sleeps 12 hours a day. My daughter is gone too. And with this, my personal purpose in life—36 years in missions—is gone. A sad vision in my rearview mirror.
So how have those gifts of power-not-to-faint and strength-not-to-fall sustained me besides maneuvering the maze of doctor appointments and dancing along the edges of a grim financial picture? Here’s how! In every way, in every moment, God has held me, sung over me, and through the Holy Spirit, comforted me. Like on a Congo morning, when expecting a flight bringing mail and good things from big-city Bukavu, but a dark mass of clouds hovers over the Bomili airstrip in the Ituri Rain Forest. And then, in a matter of hours, the junk clears away, leaving brilliant, jungle, sunshine and the plane can land. In this way, God has rolled back my grey, agonizing grief. The lesson: let God carry the burden, it is only God who, beyond all human capacity, heals and helps best. God gifted humanity with the choice to be ever in his presence. No excuses for me. I must always think of him, love him, and fully realize his inside-outside presence and power.
Recently, while rereading Isaiah 40 for the millionth time, the Spirit nudged me to notice his use of plural words: “youths, men, and they.” Wow! Not singular! Plural! God is speaking of a convocation of eagles, of the body of Christ, of our family—to Bob, Elizabeth and me together. God didn’t say he would choose just one eagle to soar, leaving that one super-eagle to care for the rest! I had it wrong. Did God cast blame, or make me feel shame? In no way! He lovingly taught and forgave, and may have intimated that with all this soaring, I might find another major prophet to explore as deeply as my old friend Isaiah.
A GREAT blog and beautiful website!! Your writing always draws me right into whatever scene you’re recalling and I feel as though I’m right there experiencing it with you. Can’t wait for the next installment!
Yours is the very first comment on my website! Congratulations! You’ve made my day! And huge thanks to Susan Payton, the graphic design artist who set up this website for me!
Praise God, Dawn, you are lifted up, soaring again and encouraging the rest of us to
fly with you!!!
We shared your blog on Friday with the Bible study group, seven of us.
God is a very present help in time of trouble but even more, He is with us “in season and out.” Thank you, God.
Thanks for sharing this Eagles Soaring blog with 7 women at your Bible Study. Are you in Morrison now? I’m assuming that is where you are since it is summer. Please tell your Bible study members that can go to blog and enter their email addresses and they will receive a notification every week when a new blog is posted. That part of the system is just now ready – wasn’t for this first blob. Will you be in mid-west in Sept or Oct?
Thank you for sharing this piece of your story of God’s faithfulness. He walked with you through the crushed time and infused His strength and joy! In my opinion, testimonies shared build others’ faith, reminding us of God’s power and care when we are distracted or discouraged by this messy, hurting world. Your story inspires me and points me to keep my eyes on Jesus.
Loved your blog. Giving up control is hard. I realized that when I pray, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” I have to yield control of my life of those around me. I was standing next to Tim when he died the first time. They revived him, but they could not sustain his life nor could I. Most of the time I focus on the roses/good memories, not my loss. Prayers.
I am grateful for your friendship over the years and though our suffering has been different, you do understand what i have sought to express. I am most grateful that I still have Bob and Elizabeth. I never want to be a woe-is-me victim. Hugs to You and Cliff
Dawn, what an honest and unflinching look at your and your family’s suffering. And how God has entered into it with you. I read of all the things happening to your family over these past few years and have been grieving your losses from afar while praying that you would be delivered from them. We are so grateful that you can share encouragement to others who are facing their own life battles. I’m going back to read your blog again. I know there is more to understand. I am also so grateful for Isaiah 40. Thanks for writing, Dawn!
I do write to encourage others. As much i love the act of writing, and love going back to our life in Congo for references, I’m most blessed when I think what I have to say may be of help to others.
Dear friend. I so appreciate the insight of what you are experiencing now. I remember when you and Bob told us that you had decided to become missionaries. You asked, “do you know what this mean?” I answered yes, I know. It means loosing you to your dream of God’s work, that’s what I was thinking. Of course I really didn’t KNOW what it meant in the grand scheme of things.
Love you and your family and through this insight will get to know you all again.
Wow, Deedie! That was a few years ago. Bob, Elizabeth and I love you and Dave and are thankful to God that he designed such a thing as friendship like ours. Thanks for reading my blog and for taking the time to post. Hello to your family!
Hi Dawn, I made it to your beautiful website and read the bearing of your soul. I liked the discovery of plurality. Love you and Bob and Elizabeth
And we love you and Steve and those lovely, gorgeous and talented Deckro girls. Yes, these blogs are going to be the real me in real life. I believe these are, and will be the kinds of words God wants me to write. And if you notice at the bottom of the website, it was designed by Susan Payton – she’s AMAZING!
God bless your thoughts as you put them on this blog. God bless you as you care for my brother and niece. I thank God that you all have His presence and power and strength.
I am reading/writing this on my iPad and I am not skilled in its many uses. Until I can get together with my daughter I don’t know how to do e-mail but I will try to learn. It is a beautiful sunshine day with low humidity and currently 68 going to 82. My major job today is to clean shower walls from soap scum while the elderly man is gone on vacation. Thinking of you when ever I sit at my kitchen table/desk because your picture is in my praying hands message holder. Love to you and Bob and Elizabeth.
However you came to read and comment on my blog is the exactly the right way to do it. Your comment showed up both on my website and in my email. This is how I had hoped it would work because then I’m not likely to miss any comments and am able to respond. Hugs Dear Nedra
Thank you for including me, Dawn. Thank you for reminding me, as well. What a blessing! I get thrilled to my core, my inner spirit, when God gives us a revelation, an “Aha!” moment! I never focused on the plurality within this chapter either. It amazes me, that even as Christians, though knowing God created everything, sustains everything, had shown miracle upon miracle; we forget His omnipotence, His awesomeness. We still try to take on so much ourselves, being Holy Ghost Junior, instead of casting our cares completely upon Him. We try to take on the “lead yoke” instead of the “follow yoke”. I enjoyed reading the sharing of your soul. Beautifully written. Look forward to more. I don’t know how this works. Do I just check the site occasionally, or will I receive any notification? Also, what translation were you quoting from? I really liked it! 😇
Hello Nancy! To answer your question: I believe, and I will have to ask the web designer, that when you entered your email address, it put you on a list to receive a weekly notification saying my new blog is ready to read. I will also have announcement on Facebook saying my new blog is on website ready to read. Under the word “Intro” on my FB page, there is a direct link to my Dawning Light, my website. AND, thanks for asking which version I’m using. I forgot to include that, and must remember from now on. This quote is from ESV, which is the one I will usually use. Thanks so much for your comment, Dawn for Dawning Light
Oh my dear, dear friend, I love you so much! Your story is beautiful! God has blessed you with so much talent, wisdom, strength, and love.
We have been friends for 46 years, what a blessing you are and always have been to me! God is so good! Love you!
The blessings of our friendship has always worked both ways. From the first time I met you, when Elizabeth shoved Little Larry down and he cried – way back in the old Rapids City Christian Church–you have been a light and joy to me.
This is lovely, Dawn. So encouraging. The website turned out amazing(ly!)
Hi Library Dawn, Thanks for the compliment! Can’t wait to tell Susan Payton, the lovely lady who designed all this, re all the compliments. Next blog is ready to go out Monday, Aug 5th! Cheers! Missionary Dawn
Yes, Dawn. Back in Morrison as of mid-June. Fall plans aren’t firmed up as yet but should be here for quite a while.
It is so neat that you are launching out into this “uncharted territory” of a blog. I’m sure it will prove to be very encouraging to a great many and will both strengthen faith and plant new seeds of faith.
We serve an amazing, wonderful, and powerful God—-the God above all gods!!!!
I’ve been in the midst of a whirlwind of thoughts over blogging, including: God is in control of everything; but he still allows me to make decisions re choosing to submit; God will grow me up into Christ, to be like his Son, one way or another; I must do all to the glory of God, that is to do all the work I do first for God. It takes me a lot of quiet time with God to let these ideas settle and not just rush off into a rash of writing. It will be good to see you.